Human Physics

I was deep in thought last night, and I was thinking about the terrible day my girlfriend, Lisa, had yesterday. She’s the “venting” type. Me, not so much. As she was telling me about what happened to her yesterday, I got upset because she was having a bad day. This is a totally natural feeling. I was thinking about this relationship, about how frustration from one person transfers to the next. I started thinking of physics.

I’m sure everyone has heard of the Newton’s 3 laws of motion and of the conservation of energy. I’m going to explain some new laws. These are Matt’s laws of general human interaction.

Newton’s First Law – An object at rest tends to stay at rest; an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by a net external force.

Renamed to: Matt’s First Law of Laziness and Partying – A person who is lazy will tend to stay lazy; a person who is partying will tend to party unless acted upon by excessive alcohol.

What this means for us – I can be fairly lazy. When I’m at rest, I tend to stay at rest. I’ll lay around, watch TV, play guitar, drink some beer. It’s not until acted upon by some outside force that this will change. Heavy persuasion, parties, and other events are typical things that will put me in motion. After I’m in motion, beer, general sleepiness, and boring conversations act as the net external force to slow me back down.

Newton’s Second Law – F=MA, force is equal to mass multiplied by acceleration.

Renamed to: Matt’s Second Law – F=BW

What this means for us – I am going to redefine this formula to F=BW. Fun is equal to the amount of beer consumed multiplied by the amount of women in your proximity. Let’s face it, many of us have been to real sausage parties, therefore, the fun factor is only equal to the amount of beer consumed. Add some chicks to the party, and the party is automatically better!

Newton’s Third Law – For every action, there is an equal an opposite reaction.

Renamed to: Matt’s Third Law – The regurgitation of Hammurabi’s code.

What this means for us – Does eye for an eye, and tooth for a tooth sound familiar? This law as applied to humans and relationships is ancient. Examples are too numerous to count.

Law of Conservation of Matter and Energy

Renamed to: Matt’s Law of Conservation of Frustration and Anger

In all seriousness, this is what I was really thinking of when I started this whole topic. When Lisa was telling me about her bad day, she was obviously frustrated and angry. This anger and frustration cannot be destroyed, it can only be distributed and transferred, much like energy and matter cannot be destroyed. It is only transferred from one form and person to another. While it is friction in the form of heat that potential and kinetic engery eventually get converted to, it is time that acts as friction for the purose of this law. Needless to say, what Lisa told me obviously upset me, therefore, part of her frustration and anger transferred to me.

I think I’ve been looking at this a little too negatively. I’m a “glass is half empty” type. They say laughter is contagious. Overall, that probably sums up what I’m saying.

Somehow, explaining human interaction in terms of physics seems rather dry, and totally not sexy. According to Semisonic, “it’s all about chemistry”.

Or maybe calculus (you plus me equals us)?

~ by southclaw on October 1, 2008.