A Bad Time

Not too long ago, I was having a party at my place. I was dating this girl for a few months at the time. I was beginning to really like her. She was cool, smart, and pretty, in a hippie sort of way. She said she would do her best to try and make it to the party because she was busy at a rehearsal of some sort that night.

It was close to 2am, and she finally made it. I was pretty plastered by that time, but I was happy she came nonetheless. We were alone upstairs for a few minutes in my room. I said:

Me: I’m glad you came.

X: Me too.

Then we had a little moment, and finally, I thought, “it’s nice to finally have a relationship heading in the right direction for a change.”

Me: Can I tell you something?

X: What?

Me: I really like you.

She then looked at me uncomfortably. She kind of looked away from me and started,

X: Don’t take this the wrong way, but I want to be honest with and I don’t think I’m really into having a serious relationship right now…

And the talk went on. I really didn’t know what to say at that point. I was tired and drunk as balls. I didn’t mind where we were at in our relationship at that time, but I was beginning to look for a little more. She basically slammed on the brakes. I think I knew deep down that our relationship was now destined for failure.

It died three weeks later.

The fact of the matter is, I am glad that she was honest with me and didn’t string me along. I don’t think I really even did anything wrong. Yes, she was busy, yes, she was moving home for the summer (too far from where I am).

But there was probably a better time she could have brought it up. I didn’t get a chance to analyze everything fully. I never had a chance to maybe turn the tables the other way. Or maybe I would have saved myself the trouble and I could have decided to end it.

I don’t even know what I’m really griping about. I just feel like I put a lot of needless effort and emotional investment into a dying relationship when I should have known better. It sucks that I put a lot more in than I ever got out. I can’t help but feel a little cheated in the end.

There really isn’t a moral to this story. Blame me for being drunk, or blame her for the timing. The chances are that the whole thing would have unraveled anyway.

~ by southclaw on April 17, 2007.